How do you measure perfection?

How do you measure perfection?

Walking along the beach in Northern California in June is a pretty amazing experience.  Bright blue sky, deep blue-green ocean water, crisp white caps on the waves, soft sandy beaches sprinkled with shells. 

I walked outside for a couple hours this morning picking up shells, rocks, and sand dollars. For a bit I was caught up in the trap of finding the ‘perfect’ shells. 

It got me thinking about what I deemed as ‘perfect’ versus ‘imperfect’ …

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Finding balance in life feels like being a professional juggler

Finding balance in life feels like being a professional juggler

Today I was reminded (again) that my life lacks balance.

Not sure if that’s surprising coming from a therapist that helps people with this exact issue daily, or if it’s expected because, hey, I’m human too. 

It’s something that I long for and strive for on a daily basis. My eye opening moment today came from a reflection exercise I was completing for my business coach. She asked that I spend some time writing down what my ideal day would be like.

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Slowing Down and Investing Energy in Yourself

I don’t know about you, but I get pretty nostalgic toward the end of the year.  There is something about the holiday season, the year wrapping up and a new year starting that causes me to reflect and evaluate in all areas of my life.

I had a whole blog post written about setting intentions and creating a vision for yourself in 2017.

But I’m not posting it today. Why not, you ask?

The more I looked at it the more inauthentic it felt for me to send it out today. 

I started thinking about what I really need this time of year and more specifically today.  And I realized I didn’t need to see another post about how to think ahead, and plan, and squeeze things in. Those things felt too busy and hectic and not what my heart wanted to hear about or talk about. 

What felt authentic, I realized, is talking about slowing down. 

We make choices every moment of every day on how to invest our time.  For most of us, we learned valuable lessons in our childhoods about what selfish and selfless mean.  We saw others around us who we labeled with these titles and either chose to be like them or to be the opposite of them. Likely it was our parents who role modeled these best for us.

Through all your experiences in life you may have come to a place where you find you give too much of yourself to others and don’t have enough left for you.

I admit, there are obligations that require your time and resources and make it difficult to slow down (children, work, your partner, household chores, appointments). If you really look closely, is there a task that can wait for an hour or a day so that you can focus on yourself in this moment?

When you find ways to invest your energy into yourself you will reap the benefits for hours and days to come.

The other areas of your life will also reap the benefits.  You will have more to offer emotionally to your relationships, more motivation at work, a more positive outlook around parenting, and on and on.

What it may take is shifting away from a mindset of “I’m selfish if I ____ ” to a mindset of “I’m investing in myself if I ____”.  

There will be a time in the next few weeks when I post my initial blog on creating a vision for 2017 … but it’s not today.  

Today I want you to create a vision for this moment.  How do you want to feel in this very moment?  What can you do to help you get there?

Today I challenge you to savor every minute of this day. 

Today I challenge you to make a choice to connect deeply with someone in your life, even if only for a few minutes.

Today I challenge you to give in to one splurge without guilt.

Today I challenge you to skip one chore for an activity with someone special.

What are you going to do TODAY to enjoy THIS MOMENT and invest in yourself?


Be bold,



Adriana Joyner, LMFT, is a Sacramento Area therapist specializing in counseling for people healing from painful life experiences and traumas, support for individuals exploring their gender identity and expression, and the LGBTQIA community. Her office is located in Gold River, CA located off Highway ‪50 at Sunrise Blvd. For more information or to schedule a consultation, please call ‪(916) 547-3997 or email